The facts are in and you're an idiot. You continue to vote in these 'law and order' assholes and you've managed to turn the greatest country on the planet into a zoo. While the politicians, pharmaceutical CEOs, Big Oil and Wall Street bankers laugh all the way to their offshore bank accounts.

Monday, December 12, 2016

Johnny's Christmas Wish

Johnny's Christmas Wish
By Christopher R Rice


Aww Ma' ya' kno' dem' deputies always looks like a bloated jelly donut'. There was no way he could catch up wit' me. All he could do was yell- "come back here, you rascally wabbit!!" But I kept on runnin'.

Ol' man Thom's yard had so many Christmas lights there's no way he missed the few I took. Sold 'em to Ol' lady Bird Johnson lives round da' way. Stole us a can of Spam from the .99 cent store, for our Christmas dinner. Jacked us dis bottle of Vodka, says right here- 'Russia's finest'. 


Gawd Ma, there was even more homeless on the streets today than there was yesterday. We's sure lucky to be here in America, best country anywhere.

Get a pot Ma', the roof's leakin' 'gain. Dat' slum lord Donald Rump just raised our rent 60 dollars n' dat' cheap pig won't fix a damn thang. And look at dat', the rat trap's full.

Passed by my ol' school today, saw another kid gettin' jumped. Glad you took me out n' home sc'ool me Ma. They ran outta classrooms n' had to add more trailers to fit all those kids. N' none of dem' heaters ever work.

Dey' put half dem' kids on psych drugs n' the other half's on street drugs. Most of 'em prego by 15.

Church gave us dis bag of groceries. Got a can of dented yams. And some Cranberry sauce. And a day ol' pumpkin pie. Dis wuz somethin' Ma, the church passed out all dis food to the needy n' today everyone has a real good meal. I just don't kno' how dey' feed demselves da' other 364 days of the year though.

I went downtown, like ya' ask me to Ma. But the man down there said we had to have a disconnect notice before the'd be able to help with our utility bill. I showed him da past due notice ya' gave me Ma'. He said come on back wen we get dat disconnect.

I sure do miss da stars Ma. Wen I was just a boy da sky was lit up wit stars. All ya'll could see, for as far as the eye could see. The skies use to be full of stars. But dem factories pollute so much I can barely see 10 stars in the skies at night. N' if I don't carry my inhaler I can'ts breath Ma. I sure wish that ol' factory was hirin' 'gain, 'cuz we sure could use some jobs 'round here. But everywhere's ya go Ma' the sign says "no help wanted".

We sure lucky to be here in America. You rollin' a cigarette? Roll me one too, Ma'. It's almost time to go cannin'. Don't forget your knee pads Ma', so wen I throws ya' in the back of that dumpster ya'll don't scrape yourself up 'gain.

Don't forget your .22, anyone tries to rob us 'gain, n' I'ma come out blastin' like Yosemite Sam. Not callin' no cops, wait 'round an hour for dems' to show n' by den' crooks long gone.

Damn cops give crooks 'nough time to rob ya', rape ya' n' have a cup of tea wit ya'. Then ya' either get da Keystone cops dat' can't find dey' own ass or ya' get psycho Rambo armed to the teeth, shoots everything in site, blames it on his victims.

So stick by me Ma, 'cuz it's dark out here tonight n' in America a woman is raped every 2 minutes, Ma. Every 6 minutes dat' victim is a child. Gawd, America's such a cesspool Ma, why do we stay here?

Wouldn't it be real nice if for Christmas Ma, Americans could stop raping each other? I know even the US military rapes each other. Military suicides are skyrocketing n' no one does a damn thing.

Be honorable, show some class, it won't cost you a dime. That's my Christmas wish Ma. I wish Americans would stop raping each other. And may be we can find a more decent place to live, ya' kno' where folks treat each other right. Let's get these cans home n' get some sleep Ma'.

MERRY CHRISTMAS from Chris and Diane and Jazz at Underground Newz Inc.



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